I do, and say, really dumb things sometimes...

and the worst part is i know better. i guess that's just part of growing up but sometimes i hate to think that i might regret my behavior. there's a lot of things that i do and say in my life that specifically define who i am. sometimes they're good things; i always stand up for what i believe in, i'm proud of myself, my family, and my friends, i like to think i have gentlemen qualities... sometimes it makes me do stupid things; i gossip, i'm overly opinionated, i wear my heart on my sleeve, i over analyze everything, i complicate myself... sometimes i say the most ignorant things and almost instantaneously think... Why the hell did i say that? That's not me... or atleast that's not who i want to be. i've been rude, arrogant, unforgiving, selfish... But i swear that's not who i really am. these past few years i've grown up a bunch... but in the last semester alone, i've learned i'm not even close to being as mature as i'd like. that's not necessarily a bad thing, atleast i've gotten to the point at which i realize it. we've always got room to grow up.

as far as "wearing my heart on my sleeve" thing goes... this one bugs me the most. it's my both my biggest flaw, and my personally favorite attribute. don't most of successful artist, entertainers, and politicians do the same thing? it gets me into trouble sometimes. it gets me into trouble sometimes.

oh well... i guess we'll just have to see what happens next.

pretty confusing.... but atleast i could put down some words.

i made this hoping i could take a dip into the past. thinking about the good ole days when words came to me and almost did justice to the amazing events that defined my life. it's strange to look back on the last two and a half years of my life and realize the amazing spectrum of things that have happened to me; and that have changed me. one of the most important things that i've learned in the past few years is that i don't have to live with regrets. as long as i learn and grow from my mistakes, there's no reason to ever regret them. it's so simple, and at the same time, so powerful to know that i can turn my biggest mistakes into my greatest growths. anyway, here's a compilation of few things i've found learned in the last few years.

• Happiness is...

free. often unexpected. baseball games on friday afternoons. that girl, that despite how much you're supposed to enjoy being single, makes you hate it. the balcony. learning how to maintain self control at an open bar. having brothers. growing up and realizing it. camping with your best friends.

• "never worry about things in life that you have no control over."

more things have happened to me over that last three years that i had no control over than the previous 17 years combined. i'm sure thats a direct result of me being here... at the one point in my life where i'm going to create a personality and a lifestyle that i'm pretty much stuck with for the rest of my life. the quote alone seems so simple, but the practice is beyond a humans natural reaction. none of us imagine that we'll worry about what we know to be "stupid things" that shouldn't matter to us in our lives, but the fact of the matter is... human nature drives us to focus on the elements of our lives that have had the biggest impacts on us; despite our control.

• "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." ~ Ernest Hemingway.
  

Being a 20-year-old college student; let alone a fraternity man, Alcohol, despite it's most common evils, has become social acceptance for me and my closest friends. It's strange to think about how much of an impact it has on our college lives. It makes you talk before you think. It makes you think before you feel. Along with the most amazing, fun-filled times i've experienced in my college career, the most embarrassing and regretful times i've have had come from the same cause.

• perception is a strange thing.
  

my perception of today could be a complete opposite of what it will be tomorrow. my point is this... i am amazed at how i feel when i look back and review the most recent years of my life. i'm older, wiser, hopefully smarter... and the most curious question is this. how do i view my life now, knowing i'll view it differently tomorrow?

you lost yet?

i have...

... writers block.